laugh or show any emotion while sick once and parents will think you’re well enough to go to school
Audition makeup versus show makeup. I got cast as a butt grabbing ghost and was told to do my own makeup for it! Only in the theater! Lol.
wait what i don’t get it
Lol it’s funny because fat people are always hungry which is why they’re fat lololol
I actually hate her
are you fucking kidding me
beginning to dislike her more and more
she is kind of rounded out herself so where does she even get the right??
but wow what a bitch
And here we have another case of Tumblr being brain dead retarded.
This fine man who had a fat joke made at his expense is Zach Galifianakis. Zach is an actor known for his comedic roles in movies such as the “Hangover” and is also known for his stand-up.
Zach has a comedy show called “Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis” a show where he interviews well known celebrities and “Maintains an awkward and often antagonistic demeanor with his guests, asking them bizarre and inappropriate questions mixed with off-handed non sequiturs on a set that intentionally resembles a low-budget amateur production fit for public-access television.”
So you see Tumblr, Jennifer Lawrence wasn’t actually being a bitch. She was ACTING like a bitch for the sake of comedy which Mr. Galifianakis himself was fully aware of because he wrote the script, thus making fun of himself.
Tumblr gettin’ schooled always has a place on my blog.
Have you heard the way he talks to people? To justin beiber:
"Have you ever thought about making music that maybe wasn’t shitty?" And while, yes, beibers music is shit, you don’t talk to a person like that! It’s all a joke! Zach G acts like a dick and the actors/singers do it right back. That’s the point!!
The greatest gift of being home alone is not having to wear pants.
(Footnote: If you are too embarrassed to buy condoms, you are not ready to have sex.)
Two: Kissing is not merely foreplay. Spend entire evenings making out on the couch while fully clothed. Believe me, dry-humping rocks.
Three: Sex is not just about friction. It’s about emotion. Stop trying to find her clitoris and find her heart. Because then she’ll help you find her clitoris.
Four: If you really wanna know how to please a woman, ask her how she masturbates. Then do that. A lot. If she claims she doesn’t masturbate, offer to take her shopping for a vibrator so you can both learn the vocabulary of her body together.
Five: Don’t put anything in her butthole you wouldn’t want in your own.
(Footnote: Try a pinky finger, it’s kinda awesome.)
Six: When you go down on her—and you will go down on her, and if you are my son, you will be amazing at it—tell her how good she tastes. Stop in the middle and kiss her deeply so she knows how good she tastes. Do the same when she goes down on you.
Seven: A simple Google search will yield 1,327 euphemisms for male masturbation, yet only 23 for female masturbation. If guys spent less time jacking off and more time jilling off, this world would be a happier place.
Eight: Everything you need to know about the importance of the clitoris is in the movie Star Wars. You are Luke Skywalker piloting your penis-shaped X-Wing Fighter deep inside her trench. Remember: seventy percent of all Death Stars cannot be blown up through penetration of the trench alone. It must be through focused contact with that little exhaust port at the top of the trench. Otherwise, any explosions you experience will be merely Hollywood special effects.
Nine: Just because you come doesn’t mean she has, so don’t you dare come before her. Focus completely on your partner. Don’t worry about gettin’ yours, you’re a guy. You always get yours. Your job is to make sure she’s gettin’ hers.
Ten: If sex with your partner lasts no longer than this poem, you are not making love. You are masturbating with her body instead of your hand. Shame on you. Go back to step one. You’ve got a lot of learning to do.
Big Poppa E., “How To Make Love” (via dorkvader)
i feel like this should be published and sold everywhere